Author: Mirsad Ovčina
In Bosnia and Herzegovina, 12 women were killed last year. The victims of femicide are mostly women who had endured prolonged domestic or partner violence, often previously reported to the competent authorities.
The most recent case to shock the Bosnian public was the murder of Inela Selimović and her thirteen-year-old son in Kalesija, carried out in a cruel manner – by strangulation and suffocation – by her husband and the boy’s father, Emir Selimović.
Prof. Dr Zilka Spahić-Šiljak, a doctor of science of gender studies, director of the TPO Foundation, researcher, and academic director of the University Gender Resource Center (UNIGeRC) at the University of Sarajevo, spoke to Avaz about cases of gender-based violence in Bosnia and Herzegovina.
– One must always start from the root of the problem. We often focus on the consequences – violence, murders, and serious criminal acts – yet we must return to the roots, which lie in culture, socialization, and the acceptance of violence as a way of communicating and living. We live in a culture where violence is so normalized that we often fail to notice it until blatant cases occur, such as femicides and other forms of violence.
It is necessary to work on deconstructing cultural and socialization patterns in which people are raised – first within the family, and then through secondary socialization among peers, and tertiary socialization through the media, which today plays a particularly important role for everyone. Economic and legal factors must also be considered. Although we have a solid legislative foundation, the law has not fully defined femicide, and penalties are not severe. Perpetrators often receive very light sentences, which they can pay off, and this, in turn, encourages them; if they will not be harshly punished, they may serve a few months or a year and then return to society.
There are many factors to take into account: culture, economic reasons that keep women in vulnerable positions, and so on. We often uncritically glorify tradition, saying, “In the past, traditional families were wonderful and lovely.” They were, in some aspects, but in other ways, women were so economically dependent that it never occurred to them to resist, to refuse to endure violence, or to divorce. They suffered it, and women continue to endure it even today, Dr. Spahić-Šiljak stated.
The paradigm is changing
Dr Spahić-Šiljak believes that our society is burdened by various traumas, but that trauma can in no way be used as an excuse for violence.
– For centuries, men have ruled the family, the community, and controlled women-their bodies, their time, and all their resources. Women were considered the property of men. Even today, in large part, women are still understood as property rather than as partners. Now, suddenly, the paradigm is changing. Men need to learn: ‘Ah, a woman is a partner, she is equal, she should be treated as a human being; she can express what she likes and dislikes.’ Many men are not capable of this, because in a patriarchal system, things work differently. Men are somehow expected to be asked, to decide, and no one is to challenge their authority. Now things are different. Women have fought for their rights and freedoms, and this has sometimes led to backlash, because some men still cannot accept it. In our society, it must be acknowledged that people carry trauma, PTSD, alcohol abuse, drug use-but none of these are excuses for violence. They only contribute to it. Violent behavior cannot be justified by saying someone was drunk or under the influence of drugs. People have been conditioned to believe that violence against women and children can go unpunished, and if we are honest, in most of our families it is still believed that ‘the stick came from paradise.’ It is what it is. Not to mention verbal violence. If we observe carefully, we hear cursing and threats on the streets every day, and children absorb all of it. Children witness violence daily, and every act of violence begins with words, Dr Spahić-Šiljak believes.
Divorce
She believes that divorce is still considered shameful in certain communities in Bosnia and Herzegovina.
– In some areas, divorce remains a source of shame. Here in BiH, if a woman divorces, she is still often seen as the one to blame – the primary fault is placed on her. People say things like, ‘If she had been good, she wouldn’t have divorced,’ or ‘He wouldn’t have left her,’ and so on. Being a divorced woman is not easy. It is especially difficult if you have children. Many women lack the economic means to care for them. On the other hand, there is the fear of being alone. A large number of women believe they cannot manage on their own, that things will be worse, or that they might end up with another abusive partner. These are learned behavioral patterns and learned helplessness, Dr Spahić-Šiljak stated.
– In every individual case, violence must be considered from multiple angles. Even if a woman is economically secure, there are children to consider. Violence is not perpetrated only by the poor or by people from rural areas. Violence is committed by everyone-lawyers, professors, doctors, presidents, doormen, everyone. We even have highly educated, economically independent women who are in abusive relationships. Such a man may be respected in society – he sits in the front row at the mosque, makes donations first, is charming, well-liked by everyone, and in the neighborhood or marketplace people say, ‘He’s a wonderful man.’ Yet no one knows what happens behind closed doors. These are all factors that must be taken into account; conclusions cannot be drawn solely from external appearances or from how the community perceives someone, because we do not know what occurs within intimate or partner relationships, she added.
Prevention is key
Dr Spahić-Šiljak believes that society’s mentality must change, and she emphasizes education as a primary and essential component.
– We must proceed systematically and intersectionally; it cannot be addressed in only one area. Efforts must go through education – not just of children, but also of parents. Both parents and children need to be educated. The school system still does not systematically include topics of gender-based violence. These subjects are not integrated into the curriculum. They should be introduced as themes that can be incorporated into various subjects, so that people learn to recognize what constitutes violence. For example, if parents tell children, ‘I’ll kill you’ or ‘I’ll slit your throat,’ that is violence. If children are neglected by their parents, they seek attention and emotional support at school, and such a child becomes more vulnerable to being targeted by other children, who notice these weaknesses. Work must be carried out on multiple fronts, including within religious communities. Especially, the media must be sensitized on how to report violence, so they do not seek to justify perpetrators or highlight mitigating circumstances. Very often, we read headlines like, ‘He was a good father,’ or ‘He was a good neighbor,’ ‘Everyone knows him as kind.’ There is a constant search for excuses, but for violence, for murder, there are no mitigating circumstances. This must be sanctioned and prevented at its root; otherwise, we cannot move forward. Action must be synchronized across all areas – education, family, media – and strict sanctions must be implemented so that everything is connected. We cannot allow a situation where a person has no one to turn to. You go to a social services center, and they say, ‘Well, it happened once; it won’t happen again.’ You report it to the police, and the case is put in a drawer with, ‘Well, it’s the first time.’ Violence must be addressed at all levels of education – from primary schools to police academies – so that everyone is sensitized to these issues. Otherwise, we will only deal with the consequences. Prevention is key; without it, there is nothing, Dr Spahić-Šiljak said.
Systemic Gaslighting
Dr Spahić-Šiljak believes that children who are exposed to violence are likely either to commit violence themselves or to become victims.
– We need to reach a level where we understand what violence is and ensure that we do not participate in it ourselves. Often, we laugh at a curse or humiliation. Often, we repeat the same words. Everything begins with words. Violence does not start immediately with someone killing another person. It develops over years, through processes that completely destroy a person’s character. Do you know the first question women ask when they arrive at a safe house? ‘Can someone just tell me if I’m crazy?’, Dr Spahić-Šiljak said.
– These individuals become disoriented. It is systemic manipulation in which a person is no longer certain about anything. If they smile, they are unsure whether it was right to smile. If they are serious, they are unsure. If they dress a certain way, they are unsure whether it is appropriate. If they go out and greet someone, they are unsure if it was correct. Generally, a situation is created in which victims, when they arrive at a safe house, first ask, ‘Am I crazy?’ Imagine what happens to children. We have a cycle of violence. Boys who witness violence have a high likelihood of becoming perpetrators themselves. The man who killed a woman in Sarajevo had spent several years in a safe house with his mother, about twenty years ago. No one takes that into account. His sister was a victim of violence. Children enter these cycles. This is simply something that must be considered. Children living in violent households either become victims or perpetrators, and this must be addressed – Dr Zilka Spahić-Šiljak concluded for Avaz.
